by Steve | Sep 14, 2020 | In the News, Perspective E-Newsletter
“I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit,” Jesus told Nicodemus. (John 3:5) Art: Henry Ossawa Tanner (1859-1937) Wikipedia Commons.
By Thomas Lambrecht –
What does it mean to be saved? How is one saved? These questions are at the heart of the Gospel.
John Wesley famously wrote, “I am a spirit come from God and returning to God; just hovering over the great gulf, till a few moments hence I am no more seen — I drop into an unchangeable eternity! I want to know one thing, the way to heaven — how to land safe on that happy shore. God himself has condescended to teach the way: for this very end he came from heaven” (Preface to Sermons on Several Occasions).
According to a recent survey, many Americans are no longer concerned about finding the way to heaven. Only 54 percent of Americans believe they will experience heaven after they die. (Take a moment to absorb that stunning statistic.) The rest do not know what happens after they die, believe there is no life after death, expect to be reincarnated, or believe they will go to a place of purification prior to entering heaven. Just 2 percent believe they will go to hell. The survey is the American Worldview Inventory 2020, conducted by the Cultural Research Center at Arizona Christian University under the direction of Dr. George Barna.
Only 56 percent of Americans “consciously and consistently try to avoid sinning because [they] know [their] sins break God’s heart.” The percentage is higher among evangelicals (more than three-fourths). Still, the result seems to indicate that many people are not concerned that sinning will keep them out of heaven or that sin alienates them from a God who loves them.
Paradoxically, if sin does not keep one out of heaven, half of Americans (48 percent) believe that “a person who is generally good, or does enough good things for others, will earn a place in heaven.” Even 41 percent of evangelicals and a whopping 70 percent of Catholics subscribe to this position.
Only 33 percent of Americans “consider [themselves] to be a Christian; and when [they] die [they] will go to heaven only because [they] have confessed [their] sins and have accepted Jesus Christ as [their] savior.” Among evangelicals, there seems to be some confusion. While 72 percent believe they will go to heaven only by confessing sin and accepting Jesus Christ as savior, 41 percent believe they can earn a place in heaven through good deeds. At least 13 percent of evangelicals apparently believe both at the same time!
According to the survey, mainline Protestants, which would include United Methodists, hold beliefs very similar to the general American public, in most cases only a couple percentage points different. That sends the message that mainline Protestants have thoroughly assimilated into the American cultural understanding and do not stand out as distinctively Christian in their beliefs.
Biblical Teaching on Salvation
The Bible teaches that sin leads to destruction. “All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law” (Romans 2:12). “The wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). There is no one who has not sinned. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). So all have sinned and are under the judgment of God, leading to our destruction.
How do we get out from under God’s judgment and avoid destruction? Many Americans apparently believe that they can overcome God’s judgment by doing good. In earlier times, many believed they could make up for sin by doing what John Wesley called “works of piety.” They could engage in religious rituals to get right with God. This would include baptism, confirmation, attending church, and receiving Holy Communion. They believed that if they did these rituals, it would make up for the sins they committed during the week. Their lives were unchanged, but they participated in church activities to alleviate their guilt.
Today, most people do not rely on church rituals to get right with God. Instead, they do what John Wesley called “works of mercy” — helping others and doing good for other people. They believe that if they do enough good, they will counterbalance any bad they have done, and they will end up in heaven.
But the Bible teaches us that we cannot save ourselves from the judgment of sin, either by church rituals (piety) or good deeds (mercy). “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:9).
Instead, “this righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe … and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement through faith in his blood” (Romans 3:22-25). “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).
Implications
There are two ways of salvation being presented here. The biblical way of salvation is through faith in Jesus Christ, obtaining forgiveness of our sins and the gift of eternal life. The way believed by half of Americans, including 52 percent of all Christians, is through works — doing enough good so that God will grant us entry into heaven based on what we have earned. The biblical way of salvation is the Gospel, the good news that has been proclaimed by apostles, prophets, and teachers since the time of Jesus. To adopt the way of salvation through works is to abandon the Gospel and the teachings of the Christian faith, whether one calls oneself a Christian or not.
The non-biblical way breaks down around two important points. One, it is impossible for either religious rituals or our good works to expunge the stain of sin from our lives. “It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats [religious rituals] to take away sins” (Hebrews 10:4). They are instead a “reminder of sins” (vs. 3). It is only through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, and our receiving the benefits of that sacrifice through faith, that our sins can be forgiven and taken away. “This is my blood of the new covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins” (Matthew 26:28). “In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins” (Ephesians 1:7).
The second point that scuttles the non-biblical way is that we are incapable of living completely good lives. We cannot do enough good to overbalance the bad that we do. In fact, any violation of God’s commandments places us under judgment. “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. … If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker” (James 2:10, 11). “We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away … there is no one who does good, not even one.’ … Therefore no one will be declared righteous in [God’s] sight by observing the law; rather through the law we become conscious of sin” (Romans 3:9-12, 20).
If religious rituals or good deeds could gain us eternal life, there would have been no need for Jesus Christ to give his life on the cross in the most torturous and heinous death imaginable for our sins. That is in fact what some liberal theologians teach — that Jesus’ death was not an atoning sacrifice for our sins, but a political execution by a jealous religious establishment and an oppressive world empire. They would say that our task is to imitate Jesus in giving ourselves for the cause of liberation from political and religious oppression.
These approaches of works righteousness or a political reading of Jesus’ life miss the Gospel entirely. They may be a form of religion, but they are not the Christian faith.
The survey results drive home in dramatic fashion the challenge that lies before us in the church. We must teach our own people the Gospel, starting once again from the basics of sin and salvation. As many as half our members do not understand the Gospel or how to be saved from sin and eternal death.
Just as importantly, we must reach out to an unbelieving world, helping them understand their alienation from God and from their true purpose. We need to show them that the only way to overcome that alienation is through giving one’s life in faith to Jesus Christ. We cannot earn God’s approval or forgiveness. We can only cast ourselves upon his mercy and grace. Yes, a changed life of good works follows our self-surrender to Christ, but without the Holy Spirit’s presence in our lives, our attempts to live for God fall woefully short.
Too many pastors today preach to their people the message that they should “do good” in various ways, assuming they are all Christians. Unfortunately, the survey shows that a high percentage of church members or attendees is not truly Christian, but is striving to earn their way into God’s favor. While encouraging people to live good lives, we must emphasize the need for faith in Jesus Christ and reliance upon his presence and power. Otherwise, we will continue to see a society and a church that dilutes the Gospel and eventually loses it entirely.
Thomas Lambrecht is a United Methodist clergyperson and the vice president of Good News.
by Steve | Sep 3, 2020 | In the News, Perspective E-Newsletter
By Thomas Lambrecht –
Art by Terre du Milieu
As a young adult, I became fascinated by the story told by J.R.R. Tolkien in The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I was inspired by the extraordinary adventures on behalf of human goodness undertaken by ordinary folk.
Through my wife’s recommendation, I recently became acquainted with a devotional book called Walking with Bilbo (Tyndale, 2005), by Sarah Arthur. It draws spiritual lessons from the various happenings in the Tolkien story (which is in keeping with Tolkien’s deep Christian faith). Fortunately for my wife and others, you do not need to have read The Hobbit to benefit from the devotions. They are biblically-centered and practical in their daily application.
One chapter recalls an episode in The Hobbit when the hobbit Bilbo Baggins and his dwarf comrades need to pass through a broad, dark forest called Mirkwood. Their mentor, the wizard Gandalf, warns them that the only safe way through the forest is to stick to the main path through the center. In Gandalf’s absence, however, the group becomes bored. Day after day, mile after mile, there is nothing but trees! To compound the problem, the dwarves and their hobbit comrade are running out of food. Who knows how much longer this forest will last? Is it not time to disregard Gandalf’s advice and leave the path, just for a short while, to break the monotony and find something to satisfy their need for food? In the story, of course, the decision to do so leads to bad things happening — what Arthur calls “misadventures.”
I can really relate! This coronavirus pandemic has been going on for six months. No in-person church or small group. No concerts or movie theaters. No fun trips. For many, no eating in restaurants. No getting together with friends or even family. For some, not even the ability to work, since they have been furloughed or let go from their jobs. When you have watched everything good on Netflix, you know you are in trouble! Worst of all, we have no concrete idea when it will all be over.
The stay at home routine can become mind numbing. In some places, when things began to open up again, people went wild. Beach parties. Packed bars and nightclubs. Family get-togethers. Forgetting to wear masks or practice physical distancing. The predictable consequences of going “off the path” were a dramatic spike in Covid19 cases and a surge in deaths and hospitalizations.
As Arthur points out in her devotional, these situations illustrate the fact that sometimes, the Christian life can become routine and even tedious. The daily Bible reading and prayer times can become stale. Staying faithful in our marriage or celibate in singleness can seem unexciting. Weekly or monthly tithing can crimp our ability to have fun or buy something we really want. The daily effort to be kind to others in the face of insult and selfishness can become wearying.
As Arthur puts it:
Sometimes you wake up in the morning and — unless there’s a cataclysmic disaster or even just the slightest deviation from the norm — the day’s events will go exactly as predicted with no change from the everyday tasks God has called you to do. Homework is still homework, laundry is still laundry, and dinner must be prepared before the end of the day. … The truth is, if we stick to the path God has chosen for us, we’re not guaranteed eye-popping, jaw-dropping, heart-racing adventures all the time. In fact, we may be asked to do the mundane, the banal, the mind-numbingly boring.
And that’s exactly when we’re tempted to stray. We begin to starve for change, for something to break the tedium of our days, to get the heart rate up again. So we contemplate taking the slightest jog off the track, just to see what’s out there. Those are the times when the misadventures of our lost and wandering peers look almost tempting. … We begin to wonder if there’s perhaps some other path. …
Other times, we’re tempted to stray because we have genuine needs that must be met, like the starving dwarves in Bilbo’s tale. Perhaps we’re simply exhausted at the end of the day and need to relax. Why not with a six-pack? Or maybe we feel the pain of poor self-esteem. Why not pick on someone else in an attempt to feel good at another’s expense? If we’re not careful, our genuine needs can lead us to justify all sorts of unhealthy behavior. (pages 110-111)
It is in those times that we need to remember that God’s way for us is always best. Going off the path can lead to spiritual and even physical danger.
The Bible has a lot to say about staying on God’s path.
- “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:13-14).
- “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the rock eternal. … The path of the righteous is level; you, the Upright One, make the way of the righteous smooth. Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you” (Isaiah 26: 3-4, 7-8, emphasis added).
- “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it'” (Isaiah 30:21).
- “I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. … Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go your way. … The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter until the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble” (Proverbs 4:11-12, 14-15, 18-19).
- “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 16:25).
- “This is what the Lord says, ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls'” (Jeremiah 6:16).
- “Many peoples will come and say, ‘Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the temple of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths.’ … Come, descendants of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the Lord” (Isaiah 2:3, 5).
The good news is that we have the resources to keep us on God’s path for our lives. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us, if we will listen, and to give us strength for the journey. We have the Lord Jesus as our companion on the journey, who as a man went through times such as we are experiencing, who can sympathize with our weakness and encourage us by his presence. We have the Word of God, which is the “light for our path,” showing us the way to go. We have brothers and sisters in Christ who can help and encourage us along the way. When we are feeling hemmed in by the routine, it helps to be transparent with the Lord and with our human companions on the journey. Sharing our struggles takes the power out of them and enables us to receive encouragement and strength.
We are called to persevere in faithfulness to God’s path, whether that path be exciting or mundane. We find life, peace, and rest for our souls on that path. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). Or in the words of Gandalf, “Stick to the path!”
Thomas Lambrecht is a United Methodist clergyperson and the vice president of Good News.
by Steve | Aug 31, 2020 | In the News, Perspective E-Newsletter
From the upcoming issue of Good News.
By Tom Lambrecht –
Dr. Scott Kisker, professor of the History of Christianity at United Theological Seminary, published an article recently in Firebrand Magazine that will also appear in the forthcoming edition of Good News magazine. In it, he explains two foundational disconnects that have contributed to the malaise of our church that is bringing us to the point of separation.
These disconnects have been much on the mind of those working to form a new traditionalist Methodist denomination.
Doctrinal Disconnect
One disconnect concerns the doctrine of the church. Through most of its history, the Methodist Church followed the Articles of Religion developed by John Wesley from the Anglican Thirty-Nine Articles and adopted by the 1784 Christmas Conference that began the Methodist Episcopal Church in the United States. Its final form was established in 1808. The Evangelical United Brethren Church adopted its own Confession of Faith in 1963. It was similar to the Articles of Religion, but also had some differences.
In addition to the Articles of Religion, the Methodist Church also embraced Wesley’s Standard Sermons and his Notes Upon the New Testament as doctrinal standards for the church. These were all protected by the First Restrictive Rule in our Constitution that provided, “General Conference shall not revoke, alter, or change our Articles of Religion or establish any new standards or rules of doctrine contrary to our present existing and established standards of doctrine” (Discipline, ¶ 17).
When The United Methodist Church formed in 1968 out of a merger of those two denominations, it ended up with two doctrinal statements. A commission was established to combine them into a new statement of faith for the new denomination.
Instead, the commission proposed (and the 1972 General Conference adopted) a new theological statement that “interpreted” our doctrinal standards in a new way. Kisker describes it this way, quoting from the theological statement:
Doctrinal standards are “not to be construed literally and juridically.” The words need not mean what they say, nor can anyone be held accountable to them. Although the doctrinal standards were still technically protected by the first Restrictive Rule, they were rendered impotent. Thus, the new UMC subverted the purpose of the first Restrictive Rule, while technically leaving it intact.
Methodists were to engage in “free inquiry within the boundaries defined by … scripture, tradition, reason, and experience.” Yet these “boundaries” cannot be “defined unambiguously” and should be interpreted with appropriate “flexibility.” As David F. Watson has written, with those caveats, why use the word “boundaries” at all?
Four years from birth of our denomination, along with the invention of the “Quadrilateral,” United Methodism adopted a vague unstable doctrinal position that drained the Articles of Religion and the Confession of Faith of any real meaning or authority.
As Dr. Billy Abraham has stated, United Methodism exchanged doctrinal standards for a theological method. Our method became an exploration of Scripture, Tradition, reason, and experience (the “Quadrilateral”), with no practical boundaries. Built into the DNA of United Methodism was a disconnect from our historic doctrines and beliefs. United Methodists could believe nearly anything and still be in good standing in the church.
Accountability Disconnect
Kisker does a masterful job of explaining our “connectional” church polity or governance. It consists of a series of interlocking “conferences” that were connected to one another in discernment and accountability.
Originally, the smallest and most basic “conference” was the class meeting, a group of eight to twelve members overseen by a class leader. The purpose of class meetings was to “watch over one another in love,” to support and encourage each other and hold each other accountable in one’s growth toward Christian spiritual maturity.
All of the classes met together in the Society (which later became the local congregation, known as the charge or church conference). The congregation appointed and oversaw the class leaders. The congregation itself was overseen by an Elder, who was ordained by the next level of conferences — the annual conference.
Representatives of each congregation met together yearly in the annual conference, which approved and sent Elders to oversee the congregations. The annual conference, in turn, was overseen by a bishop, who was elected, consecrated, and sent by the next level of conferences — the General Conference.
Representatives of each annual conference were elected to serve as delegates to General Conference, which represented the global Methodist Church. As Kisker puts it, “At General Conference, Methodists believed, God’s Spirit oversaw the general church as we conferred with one another, to ensure that catholic doctrine (universal across time and geography) and catholic discipline (universal across geography) were maintained for the sake of unity and witness in the world.”
“No conference could act in a way that violated the policies of the more inclusive conference of which it was a part, and to whom it was accountable. This was ensured by each gathering being watched over in love by someone chosen and sent from the more inclusive conference to which it belonged.”
This system broke down in the 1939 merger that brought back together the northern and southern Methodist Churches that had divided prior to the Civil War, as well as the Methodist Protestant Church. The 1939 merger invented a new layer of conference — the jurisdictional conference. The jurisdiction replaced the General Conference as the body that elected, consecrated, and sent bishops to oversee the annual conferences.
The motives for creating jurisdictions were to maintain racial segregation and regional distinctives. A “central jurisdiction” was created for all the black congregations and pastors in the U.S. That way, whites and African Americans would not need to be part of the same conference, and black pastors would not be appointed to serve white churches. United Methodism is still trying to overcome this nearly fatal accommodation to secular standards. At the same time, five regional jurisdictions were created (northeastern, north central, southeastern, south central, and western) to preserve the regional character of each part of the U.S. Thus the seeds for division were sown 80 years ago.
The addition of jurisdictions disconnected the chain of accountability from the General Conference. The General Conference could enact policies and church laws, but eventually could no longer enforce them because it did not elect or assign the primary executive officers of the annual conferences (the bishops).
At the other end of the spectrum, there was also a disconnect because by the end of the 1800’s, the class meeting had been replaced by the Sunday school. The emphasis shifted from “watching over one another in love” as members moved toward spiritual maturity, to gaining knowledge through learning from teachers. Unfortunately, this knowledge did not always lead to spiritual growth, and individual accountability was lost.
The local church was judged by the number of members it had, not the number of true disciples of Jesus Christ who lived out their faith. This new metric seemed to work during the 20th century when people valued membership in the church as a form of belonging. Beginning in the 1970s, however, membership was no longer as great a value, and church membership began its long and unbroken decline. Absent personal accountability and mutual encouragement, many United Methodists remained spiritually immature, their lives not necessarily reflecting the power of a Spirit-led, Christ-imitating character. The power of God to use Methodism to transform society was lost.
Reconnecting the Connection
Those working to form a new Methodist denomination are eager to rectify these major disconnections in order to help restore the vitality of the original Methodist connectionalism.
As proposed, the doctrinal and moral standards of the new church would have binding force within the denomination. There would be safeguards to ensure that ordained clergy in the new church are committed to and supportive of the doctrinal and moral standards of the church, and that there would be accountability to preach and teach these beliefs.
Leaders propose a renewed emphasis on accountable discipleship, as opposed to membership. Church members will be strongly encouraged to participate in small groups that would help them grow in their faith, not just in understanding, but in actually living out what we believe in loving God with our whole being and loving our neighbor as ourselves in very practical ways.
Bishops are proposed to be held accountable globally, not regionally. The same standards would pertain, whether one was a Methodist in Kansas, New York, Alabama, Bulgaria, the Philippines, or Liberia. Our global Methodist identity would be recognizable and consistent from place to place, while still celebrating the various ethnic, racial, language, and cultural diversities within a global church. There is even some thought about returning the election of bishops to the General Conference, rather than a regional conference.
Of course, all of these visions and aspirations are subject to the decisions made at a convening General Conference of a new denomination. But they represent the hopes and dreams of those who are leading toward a new, faithful expression of Methodism.
For the new Methodism to be vital and fruitful, it is imperative to restore the connection between doctrine and life, between authority and accountability. Connectionalism is not just a system for collecting apportionments or supporting mission work. It is at the very core of who we are as Methodists. Restoring the connection will mean a change in the culture of our church that can lead us back to the future — a future informed by “the doctrine, spirit, and discipline with which [we] first set out” (Wesley’s Thoughts Upon Methodism). The Methodist connection was the channel the Holy Spirit used to make Methodism the largest and most vital church in America at one time. It can be so again, by the grace of God.
Thomas Lambrecht is a United Methodist clergyperson and the vice president of Good News.
by Steve | Aug 17, 2020 | In the News, Perspective E-Newsletter
Bishop John K. Yambasu, the Resident Bishop of the Sierra Leone, preaching at the 2016 General Conference of The United Methodist Church. Paul Jeffrey, UMNS — File photo
Along with the rest of the United Methodist family around the globe, we join in mourning the death of Bishop John K. Yambasu, the Resident Bishop of the Sierra Leone Area, who died in a car accident over the weekend outside Freetown in Sierra Leone. According to the press statement issued from the Council of Bishops, he was on his way to attend a funeral service.
“Bishop Yambasu’s untimely death is stunning news to The United Methodist Church. Bishop Yambasu’s undeniable love and passion for the church has been evident in his area and throughout The United Methodist Church,” said Council of Bishops President Bishop Cynthia Fierro Harvey, who also noted that her heart aches for Bishop Yambasu’s family.
“Our hearts are broken, and we’re devastated by this sudden departure of Bishop Yambasu. This is a great blow to the people called United Methodists! It is our hope and prayers that God will comfort the family in particular and The United Methodist family at large. May his soul rest in perfect peace,” said Bishop Samuel Quire of the Liberia Episcopal Area.
Through his ministry, Bishop Yambasu helped assemble the various United Methodist advocacy groups that proposed an agreement for the separation of the United Methodist Church. “Bishop Yambasu blessed The United Methodist Church with his faith and leadership,” said the Rev. Keith Boyette, president of the Wesleyan Covenant Association and one of the principal participants in the separation agreement. “He was the catalyst for gathering leaders of the various factions in the UM Church for the talks which produced the Protocol of Reconciliation and Grace through Separation. He was an important voice throughout those discussions.”
Bishop Yambasu was president of the Africa College of Bishops of The United Methodist Church and the newly elected Chancellor of Africa University.
He was elected a bishop of The United Methodist Church in 2008 and installed in 2009. He would have turned 64 on August 24.
Bishop Yambasu is survived by his wife, Millicent, and their five children – Rebecca, Adima, John, Emmanuel and Elizabeth.
by Steve | Aug 17, 2020 | In the News, Perspective E-Newsletter
By Tom Lambrecht –
Photo by Jasmine Carter: Pexels.
The cover story of the current issue of Christianity Today is entitled, “Can the Church Save Marriage?” I heartily recommend that and other articles in this month’s issue that talk about the challenges to marriage in our contemporary global culture.
The article is written by Dr. Mark Regnerus, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin and co-founder of the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture. The article summarizes points from his forthcoming book, The Future of Christian Marriage. Uniquely, it looks not only at the state of marriage in the U.S., but also in Europe, Latin America, and Africa.
Regnerus examines the decline in marriage among both Christians and the broader society in recent years. To illustrate that decline, Regnerus found that in 2014, 56 percent of evangelical adults ages 20 to 39 were married. Just four years later in 2018, that percentage had declined to 51 percent. Correspondingly for the same age group, only 40 percent of the total population were married by age 39 in 2018.
(Pastorally, I am cognizant here of those who are, or have been, in difficult or painful marriages, those who have been divorced, and those who want to be married, but are not. God is with the brokenhearted, the widow, the orphan. He also calls the Church to come alongside and encourage those in difficult circumstances. God offers healing and comfort in the midst of our pain and frustration. He desires to redeem the painful times and bring about good from the evil that befalls us. As we trust in him and find our refuge in him, the Lord will not leave us comfortless. See John 14:18-19.)
Regnerus examines several factors that could account for this decline. One in particular intrigued me.
“Marriage, even in the minds of most Christians, is now perceived as a capstone that marks a successful young adult life, not the foundational hallmark of entry into adulthood,” he found. “In the foundational vision, being newly married and poor was common, expected, and difficult, but often temporary. In the capstone standard, being poor is a sign that you’re just not marriage material yet.”
In other words, in order to get married, young adults often think they have to have their lives all together and be financially “set.” Marriage then becomes an “achievement,” rather than a foundational part of growing in maturity. It is something one checks off their list when other needs/wants have been satisfied. Couples formerly viewed marriage as a venue that would provide companionship through the growing pains of young adulthood. At present, they seem to desire to grow first individually and then marry after they feel that stage has been conquered.
When my wife and I were married (at age 22), I had an entry level teaching job and she was unemployed (having just graduated from college). Just a year after we were married, I was laid off from my position and she gave birth to our first child. For several weeks, we had no income, and I was only able to secure part-time employment after that. Then we headed to seminary, where we both had very part-time jobs and almost no income. Yet, these were some of the most formative years of our lives. With worldly eyes, we were not being “successful.” Instead, we were making an investment — an investment in each other and an investment in our future. That investment has paid off with a solid and fulfilling marriage of 42 years.
There is no guarantee that investing in marriage will yield worldly success, but marriage can lead to spiritual and relational maturity and growth. This early phase of our marriage became part of our story/narrative as a couple. These early difficult experiences/narratives have directly and indirectly impacted other challenging times as our marriage grew in depth and in years spent together. A sense of “we can get through this” (present trial) is, in part, based on those experiences of persevering through those trials early in our marriage.
Perhaps the shifting view of marriage from foundational to capstone is related to the misunderstanding of our purpose here on earth. Many times, one hears that God wants us to be “happy.” One gets the impression that the guide to our decision-making is what will make us happy. If marriage will not make us happy, then we do not get married. And if marriage to a particular person does not make us happy, then we are free to trade them out for a different marriage partner.
Nowhere in Scripture does it say that God’s will for us is to be happy, notwithstanding the unfortunate mistranslation of the word “blessed” as “happy” in the beatitudes in some versions of the Bible.
Instead, it is God’s will that we be holy. “It is God’s will that you be sanctified [made holy]” (I Thessalonians 4:3). “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy'” (I Peter 1:15-16).
Being holy simply means loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving our neighbor as ourselves. Easy to say, but difficult to do. The kind of love we are called upon to give is agape love — the love that sacrifices oneself for the sake of the other — the kind of love Jesus demonstrated.
We learn to love through a lifetime of practice — trying, failing, and trying again with the power of the Holy Spirit helping and transforming us. We grow in holiness as we gain spiritual and emotional maturity. Sometimes we make dramatic improvement in a short time (a spiritual growth spurt!). Other times, we can go long stretches without seeing any apparent progress. This is the normal Christian life.
The joyful blessing and surprise is that in cultivating holiness, we find true happiness. This is not selfish happiness that depends upon us getting what we want. No, it is the deep joy that comes from growing into the person we were meant to be, taking on the character of God and being remade in his image.
Understanding that our goal is holiness, marriage is an ideal relationship in which to learn holiness — sacrificial love. Forging two individuals into a bonded pair is a sometimes painful, sometimes exhilarating process. We learn to give up our own desires in order to serve the other, and they reciprocate. In the nexus of mutual sacrifice and mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21), we are transformed into mature, loving, Christian disciples. This does not happen in a day or in a year, but in a lifetime of living together, practicing love.
In marriage and, when the Lord blesses us with children, in our larger family, we learn to give and receive love. Learning this on the human plane enables us to learn to love God and receive his love. Marriage and family life do not always work the way God intended them to, but that is the ideal picture of marriage toward which we strive.
We learn these lessons of love through other relationships, as well. But marriage is supremely suited to be a school where we learn the discipleship of love. It is a relationship that is intended to be as permanent as any human relationship can be. It is sustained by commitment through all the ups and downs of life’s circumstances (“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health … until we are parted by death”). No other relationship (except perhaps the parent-child relationship) has that level of commitment.
We can recover a foundational view of marriage when we realize that marriage is not for those who “have it all together.” Rather, marriage is what helps us learn to have it together. We practice with each other the things that will make us holy and mature in the faith. And we have committed in advance to forgive each other when we fail. That commitment level gives us the freedom to try, even if we might fail. Whereas, if we think marriage ought to be a sign of “worldly success,” we are tempted to put on a show in marriage, play it safe, and never step out into the deep water, lest we fail and prove “we were not suited for marriage” in the first place. That is a recipe for failing to grow into maturity.
No one is suited for marriage in that sense. None of us realize what marriage really entails until we get into it a few decades. Marriage is not for those who have arrived, but it is the strength and companionship for the journey.
One of my favorite wedding Scriptures is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
That is a picture of marriage (among other things). It is not a destination, but a way of traveling. Our spouse is to be our helper, our support person, our companion, our defender, our encourager, our loving critic, one who forgives us and “spurs [us] on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). We help each other to grow in holiness, and by doing so, we find happiness in each other, in the Lord, and in all the blessings he showers upon us. That is truly a life of meaning and purpose!
Thomas Lambrecht is a United Methodist clergyperson and the vice president of Good News.
