Archive: How To Survive the Human Race

By Marilyn Anderes

Someone once said, “You can do anything if you have patience. You can (even) carry water in a sieve—if you wait until it freezes.”[1]

What are your responses to crabby sales clerks, whining children or rude drivers? Does putting up with people’s quirks ever seem as impossible as carrying water in a sieve?

Face it. We all struggle with this problem, but consider Paul’s message in Col. 3:12-13.[2] “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive, as the Lord forgave you”.

It is possible to excel in good will, maintaining softness and consideration in our dispositions and manners. We can remain undisturbed when people frustrate us.

“Come on,” you’re thinking. “Am I really expected to remain peaceful when I’m ready to pull my hair out? The kids stuffed the hamper with clean clothes to avoid hanging them up. A soccer ball clogging the eaves caused an unexpected shower. And my spouse lost the keys for the third time this week.” Yes, sometimes people hassle us, but God’s mandate is clear. “Bear with each other. … Forgive.” There’s not much room for argument.

Successful daily living for a Christian demands an answer to the struggle with impatience. I propose three practical helps to bear with each other. All are rooted in our relationship with God and require waiting on Him. We can learn to (1) put up, (2) shut up and (3) hold up.

In Psalm 103:10 we are told “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. ” God’s grace offers undeserved favor. He puts up with a lot from us, and initiates and encourages change. We can follow His example with those in our homes, in the churches we serve, in the work places we share and in the shops we frequent. We can refrain from the enforcement of what is due. Proverbs 19:11 says “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” Jeremiah said: “Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? ” (Lam. 3:39).

Put Up

“Fine, but I need more practical suggestions, ” you say. Okay, here goes. Solomon talked about catching “the little foxes that ruin the vineyards ” (Song of Solomon 2:15). What “little things ” could you put up with to give patience half a try? Could you be an acceptor, rather than an exceptor who says: “You’re a great guy, except for …” ? When someone bugs you, could you watch yourself so you’re not tempted to respond in the same way? Would you observe the “one-fact rule “? This rule commits you to believe that when you’re tempted to be impatient, there is at least one fact you don’t know which might offer a logical explanation for the other person’s behavior.

For example, my husband and I hadn’t had a date in at least two months and it was an especially festive occasion, because our mutual … birthday time had arrived. I was anticipating a surprise party I had I planned for him. A small group of  friends planned to meet us at a familiar oriental restaurant. I worked at looking nice, using his favorite perfume to add just the right touch. With the babysitter armed with instructions and snack we headed for the car.

Behind the wheel, my husband asserted: “Let’s go for Mexican food!” That would have been a delightful suggestion—except that our friends were waiting at the other restaurant. I worked at remaining unruffled and said sweetly, “I think Chinese sounds better tonight. ” The retort came swiftly. ” No, I want a big enchilada.” After some haggling, it became apparent that he had chosen tonight to be demanding, unreasonable and interested only in his own cravings. This was unlike him. The discussion went past a bad beginning and dark thunderheads formed inside the car. This was going to be a big fight.

Finally, I screamed in frustration. “You dope! I have a surprise party planned at the Chinese restaurant. We have to go there.” He laughed, and that made me even angrier. He laughed so hard it took him five minutes to tell me that he too had planned a surprise party—at the Mexican restaurant. My impatience revolved around the one fact I didn’t know.

It has been said that “imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.”[3] Consider how an elderly friend of ours used humor to motivate obedience in his children. He shared this fond memory. “There she was, face set like flint and determination written in every furrow of her teenage brow.”

“I just have to go to that party, Dad. Everyone, who’s anyone, will be there and, besides, I need some place to wear my new clothes.”

“Diane, it’s not a good idea. We don’t know this family and we won’t be home that night to bail you out if you need us.”

“Aw c’mon, Dad. I could call you at the dinner party if I had to.”

“It’s against my better judgment, hon.”

“But, Dad. …”

Our friend continued, painting a hilarious picture of himself. In response to his child’s begging, he did his well-known, soft-shoe dance routine, ending with a combination of steps that found one arm in the air and the other hand graciously open before his daughter. With a smile, the word “no ” came musically lilting off his tongue. It was his standard response when his mind was made up. His daughter knew not to press him further. There could have been an ugly scene with a loud and careless word exchange. Instead, the communication was pleasant and has provided many laughs in the following years. Humor is a valuable safeguard, and laughing will help us bear with others.

“Shut Up”

If we’re honest, most of us would admit that we respond to frustrations with fiery words rather than with stilled tongues. Our God is all-knowing, all-wise and available anytime. He is able to justly avenge. We can share what we like and don’t like with Him and save the encouraging things for the ears of others.

Some time ago, a Virginia couple called with an invitation for us to visit them for a weekend. I was ready to pack immediately, but my husband suggested we think about it. “The four-hour ride will be pleasant and we haven’t seen them for so-o-o long,” I insisted. My husband was strangely noncommittal. I decided to drop it, at least for the day. The next morning I was more determined. I got the same response.

On the outside I remained silent. On the inside I was shouting demand at my spouse. What’s wrong with him? Doesn’t he know how much I need a break? I fumed. But I initiated no more discussion.

As the deadline for making the decision drew nearer. I became less willing to say nothing and eventually made my final appeal. Apologetically, my husband said: “I don’t understand it myself. I just don’t feel right about going.” This was my logical engineering executive responding in a most illogical way. Since when has he made a judgment based on feelings? I thought accusingly. I felt cheated but decided to cheerfully keep quiet.

The Friday in question arrived. We stayed at home. Saturday I awakened feeling sorry for myself and I told God all about it. Soon after lunch, our eldest son left for a touch football game with some buddies at the church. His next communique was a phone call from the local hospital. We quickly drove to be with him, as his badly fractured leg was X-rayed, set and put in a cast. I knew then why we weren’t supposed to go on our Virginia weekend. I was glad I had chosen to “shut up” about it.

Certainly there is a time to appeal but it must be done wisely. In his book, Caring Enough To Confront, David Augsburger states: “The crucial element (in confrontation) is—does it foster growth? Does it invite maturing? Does it set another more free to be?[4] Both the words and the timing of our appeals must be chosen carefully, with a caring attitude.

If you are in doubt about whether to appeal or to clam up, silence is a good road to take. “A man of knowledge uses word with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Prov. 17:27-28).

“Some people talk, not because they have something to say, but because they have to say something.”[4] We can commit ourselves to making what we have to say “helpful for building others up according to their needs” (Eph. 4:29).

Hold Up

When babies are dedicated to the Lord in our church, it has become a tradition for our pastor to physically hold the children up. Admiring eyes get a good look at the chubby cheeks, half-cocked eyes and drooling mouths. The Lord Jesus brings us before His Father’s throne regularly “always living to intercede for (us)” (Heb. 7:25). I can picture Jesus holding us up like tiny babies. God’s admiring eyes penetrate our being, overlooking obvious evidences of immaturity.

An effective way to bear with others is to lift them before the Father’s gaze in prayer. Then, surprisingly, we find ourselves seeing those people through God’s eyes, and He always sees potential. Samuel took this principle seriously. He said: “As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you” (1 Sam. 12:23).

We can experience triumph in this matter of forbearance. “The world seeks victory by trying to get back on its feet, the Christian by getting down on his knees.”[5]

It’s a fact. God calls His people to patience in everyday living. We’re often too quick to tolerate our own faults, while being not so lenient with others. We need to take the challenge and try the three loving responses that make bearing with others possible. We can train ourselves to put up, shut up and hold up. With those who test our patience, only God can affect the cure. But, in the meantime, we can responsibly endure. God motivates us to love, and “Love is patient” (I Cor. 13:4).

Marilyn N. Anderes, member of Mount Oak United Methodist Church, Mitchellville, Md., is a free-lance writer and women’s Bible study leader.

[1] M. Dale Baughman. Teacher’s Treasury of Stories For Every Occasion (Englewood Cliffs. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall. Inc., 1958). p. 145.

[2] All Scripture is quoted from the New International Version of the Bible.

[3] Ibid., p. 98.

[4] Vern McLellan. Quips. Quotes. and Quests (Eugene. Oregon: Harvest House Publishers. 1982)  p. 19.

[5] Ibid., p. 25.