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The Next Generation
Communicating care
By Duffy Robbins

There is an episode in John Wesley’s journal in which he describes a mob scene so violent and so raucous that it looks as if it’s going to evolve into a full blown riot. Wesley is in an upstairs room watching as rocks are thrown through the windows. Then, he hears crashing sounds and angry voices as the mob storms the inside of the house downstairs and begins to brutally attack some of Wesley’s traveling companions. That’s when we read this passage:

“Believing the time was now come, I walked down into the thickest of them. They had now filled all the rooms below. I called for a chair. The winds were hushed, and all was calm and still. My heart was filled with love, my eyes with tears, and my mouth with arguments. They were amazed; they were ashamed; they were melted down; they devoured every word.” 

It’s really quite stunning: this angry mob, hungry for blood, storming the property, yelling and screaming. Sounds to me a little like a middle school youth group. But, what captures our imagination is that this unruly crowd is captivated by an English vicar who has as his only arsenal a “heart filled with love,” “eyes filled with tears,” and a “mouth filled with arguments.” Of course, it was God who intervened in the room that day. But the scene also shows us the power of ethos in action.

In the last issue of Good News we began talking about ethos or the ethical dimension of communication as one of the most significant facets of speaking to teenagers. If communication is about the interplay of three elements, logos (the message), and pathos (the audience), ethos points to the speaker: what does the audience perceive about the speaker? And, as Wesley’s experience demonstrates, even with the most unwilling audience, there’s something compelling about someone who seems to really, authentically care. Teenagers are far more likely to evaluate a talk (sermon, Sunday school lesson, devotional, etc) on the basis of personality than on the basis of persuasive arguments. I’m not saying they should; I’m just saying they do. And as we listen to the political speeches over the next few months, we’ll probably observe that this behavior is not confined to adolescents. Charisma and charm are more likely to gain a hearing than the best ideas or the most reasonable arguments.

So how do we communicate warmth and likeability to a roomful of teenagers in the middle of a talk? Well, first of all, the best time to communicate this, of course, is before and after the talk—hanging out with them, going out for pizza after youth group, going to their games and musicals, listening to them talk (cf. 1 Thessalonians 2:8).

But what are some practical ways we can communicate warmth and caring from the front of the room? Here are some ideas:

• Use their names in illustrations, in referencing common memories—any way you can.

• Use humor. We never joke with our enemies. None of those grainy video tapes from the Middle East ever show a terrorist stopping in the middle of a threatening tirade to say, “Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this one. Three guys went into a mosque…” In communication, humor, if it’s really humorous, is the great global warmer.

• Avoid profanity and vulgar language. Despite the growing use of mindless, crude humor that we’re exposed to everyday, research has shown that people who casually use profanities and vulgarities to pepper their speech are often perceived as abrasive and lacking character, maturity, intelligence, manners, and emotional control.

• Try to draw references to what you have in common with your students.

• As often as possible, when you’re using rebuke, correction, warning or accusatory type language, speak in the second person plural. Instead of saying, “A lot of you guys have been dealing with…,” say, “Some of us in this very room are dealing with…”

• Stand as close as possible to the group, and if feasible speak from the same level as your students.

• Be conversational. Kids are much more responsive to someone who is talking to them than they are to someone who is giving a talk.

Too many of us approach speaking as if communication hinges on a mouth filled with arguments. And persuasive, truthful teaching is a good thing. But a “mouth filled with arguments” that is not compelled by a “heart filled with love” will seldom engage our students.



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